Hi, Remember me?

Hello folks,

Sorry for my extremely extended absence. Work and school kept me busy, and so has waterskiing.


I started university at the beginning of January and just finished up a few weeks ago.   I only took one online class just to see how things would go and so I could still work.  It was a Psychology class, so lots of memorizing and stuff, not to mention a lot of sleepless nights and a lot of caffeine fuelled mornings.


At the end of March I headed to Florida for a waterski training. Best. Thing. Ever.  I was nervous to go just because out of all the sit skiers there, I had the least experience, but being on the water for five consecutive days for full days allowed for some major skill improvement.   What you should know is that last summer, I could not balance my ski in the water, not even when I was just sitting in the water. I was also using a beginner ski.   In January,  I was told that I should take the ski to the pool and try and practice balancing.  Well, it paid off.  I balanced that ski and in the water and since then have I abeen able to graduate to a intermediate slalom ski.  I now have purchased all my own gear.  A super awesome pink slalom ski, a cage that is also pink (Don't judge, I have a pink addiction, okay?!) , along with a few life vests and some ropes.  I truly have found my sport.  My passion.  I have started eating better, drinking more water, I even booked a nutrition consult and will be heading to the gym for my first training session on Saturday. At 8am. With no coffee.  This should tell something, people.  I hate mornings.  Saturdays are my day to sleep in.  I also require coffee in the morning.  Do you now understand my level of commitment to the sport?   It is funny, at first I did not want to compete, I just wanted to ski just because, but now that I know I will ski independently I want to do it ALL.  Seriously.  I want to ski to compete.  I want to travel.   I want to learn all I can.  Here is the other thing you should know about me.  I struggle to stay committed to activities longer than like 6 months.  I played guitar for four, I horseback rode for a year off and on.   Waterskiing has lasted almost 2 years.  That is a big deal and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon.   The financial investment has been huge (notice investment, not expense), but that is okay.

Here is the thing though.  I need more water time. I live in a province where I get 3 months to ski.  That is it.  Therefore maximizing water time is important for success.  I have a job that does not allow for that.  I have waterski equipment that costs a lot.  You see my dilemma here, I am sure.  

I am not totally feeling like myself right now.  Worrying. Struggling. I will get through it, I always do.

That's all for now,

J

"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."

Tattoos.

Long time, no post!  Sorry.  


I wanted to post tonight about tattoos.  More specifically disability and tattoos.

For those of you that do not know this,  I have three tattoos; the 3E Love Symbol for International Acceptance, a Cerebral Palsy Awareness Ribbon, and my personal favourite, my waterski tattoo.

First of, if you are considering getting a tattoo these are the thing I urge you to consider:

1. Placement- I have all of my tattoos in places that they can be covered.  Let's face it, they are not always accepted in the professional world. Currently, I have a job that does allow me to show my tattoos (although preference is that they are covered, there are no "rules") but this may or may not be the case in the future.  I like to think that because of the field I will be entering career wise, my tattoos will be looked at my way of expressing my story, but that may not happen.

I absolutely refuse to have anything put on my legs or feet because of spasms.  I have heard of people tying down legs and arms.  Personally, that concerns me.  Tattoos can sometimes take a long time (my waterski tattoo took 3 hours)  and it is already an uncomfortable process.  Breaks happen when it is a long sitting, but, I am guessing that unless the restraint was extremely tight, the power of a spasm could still cause an arm or leg to move and ultimately cause problems with the way the tattoo comes out looking.  That being said they can do touch ups on small things.

2. What Do You Know About the Shop/Artist? Have you seen the artists work?  A tattoo is exactly that; a piece of art and needs to be done by a professional tattoo artist.   A tattoo is permanent.  It is forever.  Ask to see a portfolio of work, look at the website of the shop etc.   Don't settle.  If you don't like the drawing they give you, speak up.   Don't worry about offending them.  It is YOUR tattoo and needs to be how YOU want it.

Does the shop look clean (don't be fooled).  Does it seem they keep proper records? You can tell this by the paperwork they get you to fill out although that is not a sure fire sign.  Do they have all their certifications and such visible?    Two of the places I got tattoos from were places where people I or my family knew had gone.  The other is owned my my moms coworkers family.



3. What Does It Mean to You?- Some people think a tattoo is just a tattoo. All my tattoos have deep meanings to me.  I will not get a tattoo because it looks cool or because I dated somebody for a day (seriously there was a girl who met a guy online and the first time they met in person she got his name tattooed on her FACE in Russian.  Yes, that was a thing. Look it up if you wish).  A friend of mine told me he wanted to get a band name tattoo as a first tattoo and I told him I thought it was a bad idea.   What happens if you don't like the band anymore?  However, it really isn't anyones place to judge someone else's tattoo.  Even if he got that band name, that's his thing and I will be the last person to judge him for it.  Even when I have an opinion about a tattoo that isn't so positive,  I try and keep it to myself because tattoos aren't about what other people feel, they are about what they mean to you (I have issues with hateful tattoos but, that is a different story.)

There was a lot of talk about my waterski tattoo from family and friends:

"What if you decide you don't like waterskiing anymore? That tattoo is permanent."

Although this is in fact a possibility and also the exact same logic I used about my friends tattoo, my tattoo has a deeper meaning to me than just waterskiing.  Waterskiing makes me super happy.  Talking about waterskiing makes me happy.  But this tattoo also reminds me that even when I do not think that doing something is possible because of my Cerebral Palsy, I waterski.  I will forever have done that even if I decide not to do it anymore.  I will be forever connected to these tattoos even if I started walking tomorrow.

My waterski tattoo is quite noticeable.  It is pink, blue, yellow, and black and goes from about my elbow to my wrist.  Even with a long sleeve t-shirt it sometimes peaks out.   It has started a lot of conversations and I have to say when I tell people what it is for and that I waterski, it surprises them.  Like the random barista at Starbucks who struck up a conversation about it during morning rush? He was awesome.

What are your thoughts on tattoos? Comment below. I'm excited to hear your thoughts!

J

Waterskiing!

I got a text on Thursday that pretty much made my weekend.  We're having a Visually Impaired Ski Clinic and you are welcome to come out and ski this weekend. So in.  Was outside from 9-3 yesterday and 9:30-2 today (my shoulders were super tired, I was sunburned, and the heat was getting to me). I have very little energy at the moment.  Yesterday it was COLD! It was super windy and I think my sunburn was compounded with some windburn.  Got 2 sets in yesterday and about 6 wipeouts.  Oh well.

Today the weather was far better and I got another 2 sets in.  I am still struggling with the turns, but am learning that you simply need to move your head one way or the other. Gradual and gentle is key here.

Dad was my release person and did pretty well until he accidentally let the rope release when it wasn't supposed to.   Then, the rope got caught in the propellor of the boat when I had a wipeout so they had to take the boat in, and by take in I mean push it to the dock.  They got the rope out and carried on.

They also had dad try and side ski along with me and my side skier.  Dad hasn't skied in about 35 years.  I got a mouth and face FULL of water from dads skis.  It is too hard having 2 side skiers because I'm so worried about running into them.  My side skier can move out of the way fast enough.  Dad I was worried about.   My side skier had to hold me up for the first bit after takeoff because having dad there really threw me off.  To be completely honest, having dad side ski with me... the thought of it makes me super anxious.  I am not at all comfortable with the idea right now.   It takes a certain level of trust and confidence in your side skier to make you feel safe.  I have built that up with my current side skier.  I know he knows what he's doing.  In this particular activity, I do not have that with dad.


The lifejacket I bought in Vancouver is not good for waterskiing; one of the things you have to be able to do is lean forward in your cage and my new lifejacket has a lot of bulkiness which makes that very hard so, onto Kijij that one goes and we get a different one.  

They moved my cage onto the second most forward setting which makes leaning forward while having my bum back way easier.

Speaking of anxiety, I have found waterskiing to be very helpful.  It is one of the things that has truly helped.   Not only does it tire me out, but, when I am out on the water the only thing I am thinking about is waterskiing.  Keeping the rope low, looking at the boat, moving my head the right way etc. It is a good thing and I am super thankful to have the option.


Until Next Time,

J

"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."

Holiday

I am tired so excuse the typos.  I just returned to work after being on holidays from Saturday to Wednesday.  It has been tough getting back into a routine and I plan on catching up on sleep this weekend. 

Vancouver was great!  The first day we were there we spent the day shopping at Metropolis in Metrotown.  I finally found some jeans that fit and won't fall down thanks to an amazingly helpful and patient sales girl.   Bonus? I know exactly which kind they are so, when the time comes to get new ones I can order them online (they don't have a store where I live.)   I also found a lifejacket for waterskiing.  A PINK LIFEJACKET! I've been looking for one forever and am technically supposed to have my own so I was super excited about it.

We went to the aquarium where they had penguins. Penguins! Jellyfish! Dolphins!   It was a cool thing to see although after a while I got bored.   We also went to the PNE which is an amusement park.  That was a lot of walking, transfers etc. I got a serious workout and some PT points on that one.  There was one ride I really wanted to go on so, I walked up the stairs and got on only to realize moments later that it goes upside down.  Freakout time.  I hate upside down rides.  Oh well.  I survived.  

Checked out Granville Island and bought dad a utility knife which would later be confiscated at the airport because I forgot to take it out of my backpack and into the luggage under the plane.  Whoops. 

Oh and the plane? That was interesting.  So, when we checked in for the first flight they told us that they wanted to transfer me to a different flight for my safety and the safety of the staff.  Ummm, ok? Well you see, the flight we booked was a ground boarding plane and the LOVELY call centre agent whom I spoke to told me that would be no problem. Well it was.  Then she told us the wrong time for our flight home so, we missed it.  I phoned my mom and boss FREAKING out because I needed to get home for work and they didn't think that would happen.  After much chaos, a few tears, a 'it's not the end of the world if you don't make it home for work tomorrow and panicking won't help." from my boss, we made it onto another flight thanks to some delays and made it home with a lost bag.  Argh.  They failed to tag my second bag at security so, they were supposed to tag it when they received it at the other side of baggage/security.  They did not.  It sat in the Vancouver airport but eventually made it back to me.

Thank you for your prayers for a good trip and less anxiety.   Despite a panic attackish situation on the plane on the way there, it helped to have a holiday.  Prayers for less anxiety to continue and work to go well would be much appreciated.

Ok, my eyes are closing,

J

"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."

You Want the Short Version?

Hey all!

I have lots to update you on.

First off, my shoulder.  After a desperate voicemail left for my OT, it was decided I do not need to go see my Orthopaedic Surgeon again or that an ER visit was in order.   However, a new PT is the picture.  She was recommended to my OT by another PT at rehab. She has an understanding of neurological issues and has worked with kids with CP. Score. She tried laser therapy on my shoulder and it helped.  It apparently gets to the muscle on a cellular level to heal them.  Now, we are working on strengthening the weak part of my shoulder (the back) and proper shoulder positioning.   She has me working with Therabands again and we may also do taping of my shoulder to keep the shoulder blade aligned.


Anxiety issues have returned.  I have been put on a different medication which seems to be helping.  However, it has been making me feel so so so nauseous that for the time being I have stopped it.  It mad work hellish.  It made me loopy.  It is bearable, but, I am like half brained.  We were doing a training role play for the newbies yesterday.  Boss asked me to demo.  I fell on my face. Shit. When I come home, it is likely I may start it again, but, I don't want to be like this the whole time I'm in Vancouver or at work.

Yes, I am actually following through and taking 3 days off work. Holy crap, right? I fly out tomorrow evening and get back late Wednesday night.  It'll be a whirlwind trip, but a holiday nonetheless.  I just hit my two year anniversary at my job yesterday, so the timing of this was accidentally awesome. Definitely due for a holiday.


I went waterskiing on Thursday.  It. Was. Awesome.  I didn't fall and skied a ways on my own.  You know, I have to say, the guys that do side skiing are awesome.  They VOLUNTEER their time so that people can have opportunities they wouldn't otherwise have.  Now, I need to work on my turning skills.  It's tricky, but, I'll get there.



Please pray for anxiety and stress to ease and for peace.  Also for work to get better (it's our slow time so, quite stressful).

Thanks and Keep Rolling On,

J

Shoulder Issues

Hey folks,

This will be short because I need to go get ready for work.  I am cranky. I am tired. I am in a lot of pain.  My shoulder is giving me all the same issues.  All over again.  I am back at point A instead of a bit better.  I am at my wits end.  I am having a tough time even getting up and going to work.  Obviously the fact that it is interrupting daily life again is upsetting, but, I feel like it's worse this time because I have a job to worry about.

Yesterday after having pain in my arm and neck area (like the burning/tingling kind on top of muscle pain) for days on end, I said enough is enough and headed to the ER hoping to get some help.  I got there and waited for an hour just to register. Then, when the nurse asked why I was there I said shoulder pain.  She says to me "have you seen your family doctor?" Well yes, but, he's really had no answers.  I'm in a lot of pain and his office nor the medical clinic are open.  She proceeds to say well have you tired Advil? Are you fucking serious?! Yes, and it doesn't work.  Ok well if you want I can register you, but it'll be a long wait. Ok. How long? Could be 4 hours or more.  Keep in mind it is already 11:30 pm. If it had been just me waiting, I would have waited, but my friend had driven me expecting to maybe wait until 1 or at the latest 2.  So that was a no go that ended with me in tears because the nurse was so rude and dismissive. I felt stupid even going there and the registration clerk was like we have people come here for everything, no need to worry, but then this nurse just made me feel bad all over again.

I just don't know what to do anymore.  I'm taking Advil or Robax on a daily basis.  I wake up with stomach aches after taking them. The worst part is it doesn't really help all that much.  It does relax my muscles and take an edge off so I can sleep.  

I'm just frustrated.  Thoughts and advice are welcome

"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."

J

Sometimes I Wish

That work was like high school. That parents could write notes and excuse absences.  It's not because tomorrow is Monday. It's not because of an impending feeling of dread that all the stress from last week is going to return as of tomorrow afternoon (Ok, that might be partly why).  I am just tired.  Like can't get up of the couch, caffeine isn't helping kind of tired.

Last week was not the worst week I've had anxiety wise, but it was also not the best. The kind of week where dropping a pen on floor would make me mad or worse, sad. Oh and when my  shoes wouldn't go on over top of AFOs ? Uh yeah, that was bad.  I kind of maybe tore the the AFOs off, threw them under my desk closely followed by the stupid supportive high tops that started the whole issue and maybe, just maybe, thought about giving up on walking for good.  I shed a few tears and then calmed down and received some good advice that simply said "try again Monday."  I don't know why it got to me so bad.  Maybe it's because I hate shoes and AFOs together.  Maybe it's because I have tried many, many times while sweating, straining, fighting, pushing, pulling and honestly, screaming/swearing to get them on.  Maybe it's because that was the goal that was pushed back in OT (I had a heck of a lot more important things to worry about at that point). Maybe it was because I had been having lots of shoulder pain issues.  Maybe I was overtired and overstressed. Maybe I needed to have a meltdown.

I try my best when my anxiety is bad for days/weeks/ a month on end to be happy, but, I feel so distracted, frustrated, and most of all I feel like I'm failing. Failing at holding it together. Failing at looking beyond the worry, the stress, the pain, the AFOs, the sleepless nights, the rough days, the equipment issues that have happened recently (bath lift isn't charging and outdoor lift had to be serviced) to how entirely blessed I am.

- When I called to have the lift fixed, he came bright and early the next morning so I could have it to use to go to work even though they were short staffed. (The guy I spoke with even said if he couldn't get someone out he would come and do the adjustment himself)

- I have a lot of abilities and am continuing to make progress (Ok, the shoes can kiss it :)

- I've been able to walk at work.

- Waterskiing season will be here soon.

- Coffee. I love my coffee.

And now, with a better attitude after getting it out, I am going to go to work and have a good day tomorrow.  I will not be stressed.  Instead, I will drink my coffee.  I haven't failed, I needed a refresher; a restart.

J