Hey all,
I have decided to close down this blog.... When I started back to OT I had lots to write about and share. i don't have the time anymore to keep this going and to be honest, I need to let this blog go as part of letting the time I spent in therapy go. I will be starting with a new therapist very soon and because of that I feel the need to start entirely fresh. There may come a day when I decide to blog again, but for now all I can say is thank you for everything and please know that I appreciate every single one of you who took the time to comment, read, pray, whatever. Thank you.
"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."
J
Friday, September 23, 2011
.....
I'm not even sure what to title this post. I don't know how to put into words what I feel right now. Usually when I get into this funk, I get out. I can't seem to. I have moments of happiness and moments that are anxiety free but they are extremely short lived.
I'm still struggling in Math because they still want me to draw graphs. I finally decided today I am handing in my math binder with a few incomplete assignments. I don't know if I'll finish the exam. I got a 53% on my Biology exam, thankfully I get to pick one exam mark to drop at the end of the year so, that might be it. I have talked to quiet a few people about this graphing situation (for both now and university). The online learning person I emailed told me there should be no problem with me using my graphing software next year (and she'll be my Math teacher, apparently) I also spoke to some people at several universities who assured me the graphing issues could be worked around. Good. But then, I explained to one of them I wanted to go into Occupational Therapy. She told me I should look very carefully at the Essential Skills document. I did and it is required that not only do you have the physical abilities (walking, bending, ect) but, you also have to have proper spatial abilities. Problem. I do not possess very good spatial acuity/abilities as I've mentioned before. They have a reasonable accommodation policies but, I'm not sure what exactly that entails. I think it's also bringing forward the fact that it might be hard for me to find a job where my abilities could be matched with the duties of the position. I know that being an OT is my dream job and it has been for a very long time. I really hope it works out, it's got me kind of distracted.
Then there is this whole reno thing. The tile guy screwed up big time. He got grout EVERYWHERE and I mean everywhere. We had to pull out all the tile he put in. So now, I've been without my bath lift for 5 weeks and am having to be lifted in and out of the tub which isn't good for my shoulder or mom's back. Still no ramp/tie downs for van yet. They were approved by insurance and the DME ordered them, but they're not here yet so, dad called DME. DME said he would call back after he contacted the manufacture. No phone call.
Oh and my shoulder. UGH! I went to see the Physiatrist yesterday and he said he is almost positive I have a tear in my superspinitis (rotator cuff). Awesome. He tried to look at my MRI yesterday but, the server they are on was down. He says he doesn't know if there's much they can do due to my lifestyle. He said as a last resort they can give me some special injections. What they do is take blood from your shoulder, remove the platelets, and inject them back into your shoulder. This does wonders for healing, but he's not sure why It is apparently very expensive and is not covered by insurance. At this point, though, mom and dad will do whatever they have to do to make my shoulder better for the sake of my health emotionally and physically.
We also decided to go forward with therapeutic riding so I'm pretty excited about that . I think my OT says it best; "It beats sitting on the floor for an hour doing stupid stretches." I think that's the first time I've heard one of my therapists refer to my stretches as "stupid." :). The doctor also said I will probably need some Physical Therapy. Gross :).
On the subject of therapy, they did go on strike. Not everyone, though. However, there are more walking out everyday. As of this morning, I still have OT but, that could change.
You can maybe see now why I feel like I just can't take anymore I'm not going to lie; right at this very moment my faith is running low. Please pray for things to calm down and get better. Please pray that I can still have therapy this week and that it is a positive session. Also, please pray this strike does not have to last long and can have absolutely minimal effect on patients.
Thank you for your thoughts prayers and PLEASE don't be afraid to ask me to return the favor whenever you need.
Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. ~Natalie Goldberg, Wild Mind
J
I'm still struggling in Math because they still want me to draw graphs. I finally decided today I am handing in my math binder with a few incomplete assignments. I don't know if I'll finish the exam. I got a 53% on my Biology exam, thankfully I get to pick one exam mark to drop at the end of the year so, that might be it. I have talked to quiet a few people about this graphing situation (for both now and university). The online learning person I emailed told me there should be no problem with me using my graphing software next year (and she'll be my Math teacher, apparently) I also spoke to some people at several universities who assured me the graphing issues could be worked around. Good. But then, I explained to one of them I wanted to go into Occupational Therapy. She told me I should look very carefully at the Essential Skills document. I did and it is required that not only do you have the physical abilities (walking, bending, ect) but, you also have to have proper spatial abilities. Problem. I do not possess very good spatial acuity/abilities as I've mentioned before. They have a reasonable accommodation policies but, I'm not sure what exactly that entails. I think it's also bringing forward the fact that it might be hard for me to find a job where my abilities could be matched with the duties of the position. I know that being an OT is my dream job and it has been for a very long time. I really hope it works out, it's got me kind of distracted.
Then there is this whole reno thing. The tile guy screwed up big time. He got grout EVERYWHERE and I mean everywhere. We had to pull out all the tile he put in. So now, I've been without my bath lift for 5 weeks and am having to be lifted in and out of the tub which isn't good for my shoulder or mom's back. Still no ramp/tie downs for van yet. They were approved by insurance and the DME ordered them, but they're not here yet so, dad called DME. DME said he would call back after he contacted the manufacture. No phone call.
Oh and my shoulder. UGH! I went to see the Physiatrist yesterday and he said he is almost positive I have a tear in my superspinitis (rotator cuff). Awesome. He tried to look at my MRI yesterday but, the server they are on was down. He says he doesn't know if there's much they can do due to my lifestyle. He said as a last resort they can give me some special injections. What they do is take blood from your shoulder, remove the platelets, and inject them back into your shoulder. This does wonders for healing, but he's not sure why It is apparently very expensive and is not covered by insurance. At this point, though, mom and dad will do whatever they have to do to make my shoulder better for the sake of my health emotionally and physically.
We also decided to go forward with therapeutic riding so I'm pretty excited about that . I think my OT says it best; "It beats sitting on the floor for an hour doing stupid stretches." I think that's the first time I've heard one of my therapists refer to my stretches as "stupid." :). The doctor also said I will probably need some Physical Therapy. Gross :).
On the subject of therapy, they did go on strike. Not everyone, though. However, there are more walking out everyday. As of this morning, I still have OT but, that could change.
You can maybe see now why I feel like I just can't take anymore I'm not going to lie; right at this very moment my faith is running low. Please pray for things to calm down and get better. Please pray that I can still have therapy this week and that it is a positive session. Also, please pray this strike does not have to last long and can have absolutely minimal effect on patients.
Thank you for your thoughts prayers and PLEASE don't be afraid to ask me to return the favor whenever you need.
Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. ~Natalie Goldberg, Wild Mind
J
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Better Now.
Hey all,
Things are still crazy busy and I am TIRED! Math is going very well and my teacher seens to be very adaptable as far as my my inability to write/draw. We have a PPP meeting with the new resource teacher and maybe my teachers on Friday morning.
I pulled a muscle in my shoulder, but, that's just what happenes when you have a prior injury; injuries happen easier. I have to make an appointment with my PT anyways, I haven't seen him in almost 2 months due to working and transportation issues.
I went to see my doctor and he told me that I did have an infection when I ended up in the ER and that cough I have is a post-infection cough so, I am on an inhaler and if I don't feel better by the end of the week, I have to go back to the doctor. He said it could have been a UTI as there were some white blood cellls in the sample they took, but, the antibiotics I was on should have taken care of that. He thinks my heartrate was due to the fever and stress. So, I've gone back to happily drinking my coffee without fear :).
Nap time!
Jesus replied, "What is impossible with men is possible with God." Luke 18:27
Things are still crazy busy and I am TIRED! Math is going very well and my teacher seens to be very adaptable as far as my my inability to write/draw. We have a PPP meeting with the new resource teacher and maybe my teachers on Friday morning.
I pulled a muscle in my shoulder, but, that's just what happenes when you have a prior injury; injuries happen easier. I have to make an appointment with my PT anyways, I haven't seen him in almost 2 months due to working and transportation issues.
I went to see my doctor and he told me that I did have an infection when I ended up in the ER and that cough I have is a post-infection cough so, I am on an inhaler and if I don't feel better by the end of the week, I have to go back to the doctor. He said it could have been a UTI as there were some white blood cellls in the sample they took, but, the antibiotics I was on should have taken care of that. He thinks my heartrate was due to the fever and stress. So, I've gone back to happily drinking my coffee without fear :).
Nap time!
Jesus replied, "What is impossible with men is possible with God." Luke 18:27
Sunday, August 28, 2011
I'll Be MIA for Quite a While
Ok folks. This blog is going on the back burner for a while. I go back to school tomorrow and I am still sick (I am going back to the doctor, I swear) I am only taking one class but it is Math and we all know how well that has gone in the past. I am also still going to be working full time and as of tomorrow, have some new duties. Point being, spare time will be scarce. I also have to find time to squeeze in Hippotherapy, PT, and maybe OT.
In all perfect honesty therapy is taking a back burner, also. Am I proud of that? No. Do I need to change that? Yeah. I was going to make time for standing until that stupid spot on my toe opened up. No AFOS or standing for me right now.
I am still waiting on news about my standing chair. I really would like to know about that soon. It's been almost a month since my boss and OT sent in their letters
Anyways, prayers for me to feel better and for school and working full time to pan out, as well as positive news about my standing chair to come soon would be much appreciated. I would also like to ask that you please say prayers for a family member who is having some health issues and the rest of his family (I would explain, but I'mm not sure if they would want that)
Thanks for reading!
J
In all perfect honesty therapy is taking a back burner, also. Am I proud of that? No. Do I need to change that? Yeah. I was going to make time for standing until that stupid spot on my toe opened up. No AFOS or standing for me right now.
I am still waiting on news about my standing chair. I really would like to know about that soon. It's been almost a month since my boss and OT sent in their letters
Anyways, prayers for me to feel better and for school and working full time to pan out, as well as positive news about my standing chair to come soon would be much appreciated. I would also like to ask that you please say prayers for a family member who is having some health issues and the rest of his family (I would explain, but I'mm not sure if they would want that)
Thanks for reading!
J
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Trip to the ER.
I ended up in the ER on Wednesday night. I was at work and could barely make through a call because I felt like I couldn't breathe so the boss man told me to go to the hospital. I hate hospitals, so I resisted at first but ended up going. See, sometimes my shoulder makes it hurt to breathe because my pecs get tight, so I thought it was that, but when it got to the point I could barely speak... well. When I got into the ER my heart rate was at 140 when it's supposed to be between 60-100. They gave me two bags of fluid and took a chest xray, did an ECG, checked for UTI, and did a blood test. All clean. By this time, my heart rate was down. The doctor came in and said she thought it was viral sepsis but put me on an antibiotic? Tell me how that makes sense please. She said something about how because I am not as mobile, they wanted to give me an antibiotic "just in case". Whatever. I'm going to get on my soapbox for 30 seconds. I hate when ER docs just throw med and 3 different diagnosis's at you. FIGURE IT OUT! THEN AND ONLY THEN SEND ME HOME! She told me to go home and back to work. You just told me I had viral sepsis....This is also 5/12 hours after I originally got there and I'm tired. Get in the car, go pick up the prescription, get something to eat, and head home. I get in my chair and get up the driveway no issues. I go to get on the lift and very quickly it is brought to my attention the wheelie bars are not down. Head meets concrete. It's dark. It's late. It's cold. My arm hurts, my chest hurts, and now my head hurts. I'm exhausted. I'm stressed. Breakdown time. Get over that and get in the house Mom asks if we should go back to the hospital. What, so she can give me three more diagnosis? I eat and go to sleep but, she has to wake me up every twenty minutes to make sure I didn't have a concussion.
I tried to go back to work yesterday and I made it through, but I wasn't on the phone for most of my shift, it was just to difficult with a sore chest and ribs.
Prayers for me to feel better and continued prayers for John Matthew would be very appreciated.
J
I tried to go back to work yesterday and I made it through, but I wasn't on the phone for most of my shift, it was just to difficult with a sore chest and ribs.
Prayers for me to feel better and continued prayers for John Matthew would be very appreciated.
J
Sunday, August 14, 2011
You'll Figure it Out
This week has been a mix of emotions and it came out even more after I read Cassie's blog post for Caleb and it made me cry.
I have struggled this week with my drivers eval situation. Yes, I want to know, but, I don't. I can't forget the day my OT did all that testing and the words he said after. Normally, when a therapist tells me something might not or will not happen, I move along. Not this therapist, Not this thing. I remember the day. The time. The feeling in my stomach. The lump in my throat. What shirt he was wearing for crying out loud. The look on his face. The look that said it all without his lips even moving. The way I struggled to say anything. How bad I wanted to yell at him; tell him he was wrong. Tell him to redo the testing. Tell him to take the results and shove them. Tell him to fuck off. Tell him he's my therapist, he's supposed to encourage and support, help, and accomplish. Fix things. At that moment it literally felt as though he had put my heart between his hands, and in one swift move, broken it in to tiny little fragments. I slowly put it back together, but there is still a huge scar. With the talk of the road test, it's opening, bit by bit and I'm scared it's going to be ripped open. Every time someone makes a joke about me driving, I laugh, but little do they know how bad that humor stings. People keeping say to relax. I'll do fine. I'll figure it out. Sometimes though, I wish it didn't take "figuring out". I wish it just happened like it does for others my age. I wish I didn't need to book 500 different appointments with 500 different therapists. I wish it didn't take months, countless phone calls, emails, appeals, letters, voice mails, and faxes just to find out about some equipment. All I'm sayin' is, it would be cool if things could be simpler sometimes is all.
Proverbs 3:5: “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”
J
I have struggled this week with my drivers eval situation. Yes, I want to know, but, I don't. I can't forget the day my OT did all that testing and the words he said after. Normally, when a therapist tells me something might not or will not happen, I move along. Not this therapist, Not this thing. I remember the day. The time. The feeling in my stomach. The lump in my throat. What shirt he was wearing for crying out loud. The look on his face. The look that said it all without his lips even moving. The way I struggled to say anything. How bad I wanted to yell at him; tell him he was wrong. Tell him to redo the testing. Tell him to take the results and shove them. Tell him to fuck off. Tell him he's my therapist, he's supposed to encourage and support, help, and accomplish. Fix things. At that moment it literally felt as though he had put my heart between his hands, and in one swift move, broken it in to tiny little fragments. I slowly put it back together, but there is still a huge scar. With the talk of the road test, it's opening, bit by bit and I'm scared it's going to be ripped open. Every time someone makes a joke about me driving, I laugh, but little do they know how bad that humor stings. People keeping say to relax. I'll do fine. I'll figure it out. Sometimes though, I wish it didn't take "figuring out". I wish it just happened like it does for others my age. I wish I didn't need to book 500 different appointments with 500 different therapists. I wish it didn't take months, countless phone calls, emails, appeals, letters, voice mails, and faxes just to find out about some equipment. All I'm sayin' is, it would be cool if things could be simpler sometimes is all.
Proverbs 3:5: “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”
J
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
My iPod is Broken :(
It's b-r-r-r-o-k-e-n. But, seriously, this is the second time the headphone jack has come loose like, come on.
The letters of appeal have been sent in for my standing chair. My boss and OT wrote one so, go them! Hopefully it's enough and it wasn't a colossal waste of time. I'm keeping my fingers, toes, AND eyes crossed :). Ok, not quite.
I have been booked for a driver evaluation. In case anyone wondered, it's on January 19th at 8am. I HIGHLY suggest you stay off the sidewalks. The lady I spoke with did say that 80% of the people she sees with CP do have perceptual issues and that this is not an automatic "No, not a chance." It could mean I need more practice. She did also say that she will be able to tell me whether or not this is something that can be accomplished. If it is, I will be working with I would assume, an OT. When the OT feels I am ready to drive alone, they will report to her.
Work is going very well. I am actually training someone else right now and it's harder than it seems. Not because of the person but, because I don't like being critical of others. I'm working on it. I must be doing well, though because my boss has asked me to keep doing it. I'm not bragging, just excited :).
Please keep John Matthew in your prayers. He's had a rough day and could use them.
As for me, I would ask that you continue to pray in regards to the standing component and approval from insurance for funding/ installation. I would also ask for prayers in regards to school I am returning to school in 3 weeks and am still going to try and work full time (I will be allowed to work on schoolwork at work) so prayers that it will go well would be appreciated.
J
A merry heart doeth good [like] a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.
Proverbs 17:22
The letters of appeal have been sent in for my standing chair. My boss and OT wrote one so, go them! Hopefully it's enough and it wasn't a colossal waste of time. I'm keeping my fingers, toes, AND eyes crossed :). Ok, not quite.
I have been booked for a driver evaluation. In case anyone wondered, it's on January 19th at 8am. I HIGHLY suggest you stay off the sidewalks. The lady I spoke with did say that 80% of the people she sees with CP do have perceptual issues and that this is not an automatic "No, not a chance." It could mean I need more practice. She did also say that she will be able to tell me whether or not this is something that can be accomplished. If it is, I will be working with I would assume, an OT. When the OT feels I am ready to drive alone, they will report to her.
Work is going very well. I am actually training someone else right now and it's harder than it seems. Not because of the person but, because I don't like being critical of others. I'm working on it. I must be doing well, though because my boss has asked me to keep doing it. I'm not bragging, just excited :).
Please keep John Matthew in your prayers. He's had a rough day and could use them.
As for me, I would ask that you continue to pray in regards to the standing component and approval from insurance for funding/ installation. I would also ask for prayers in regards to school I am returning to school in 3 weeks and am still going to try and work full time (I will be allowed to work on schoolwork at work) so prayers that it will go well would be appreciated.
J
A merry heart doeth good [like] a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.
Proverbs 17:22
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