I Knew It,

Anxiety is creeping in and has been super awful for the last couple of weeks.  I feel like I'm loosing control and in fact, am feeling like a pretty horrible person at this particular moment.   I don't even feel like me. I haven't even been able to say a good prayer for like... a month.  Please pray for me to feel like myself and get back to being myself again soon.

Work is awesome.  I'm still really enjoying it and everyone has been very accommodating.  It has, however, affected my ability to horseback ride because I work part of the afternoon and all evening.  I still go riding when I can, but at this point it isn't exactly weekly.  I need to make money to pay for my damn cushion. I got an email from my DME and... are you sitting down? Sit down.  The J3 cushion I am currently parked on  retails for $826! Did your jaw drop? The Ride Forward I fell in love with back in May  retails for $590. Not cheap. Not horrible.  DME guy is aware I'm not made of money and he will give me the J3 for $650 and the Ride Forward $565 if it is the only thing he orders.  If he can include it in one of his orders, he can do $450. I appreciate this guy, he and the rest of his staff understand that stuff is expensive. They are still in the process of getting the Joey Lift sorted and those plans may have come to a halt for a bit.  We were at the lake last Monday and it hailed.  45 minutes of baseball sized hail later, we may very well have a totaled van.  The back window is gone.  The body is dented. It's a mess.  As far as the cushion choice goes, my vote goes to the Ride cushion because it doesn't need air and is generally way more comfortable.

PT is going very well.  I just need to get used to doing the exercises at home.  My therapist is impressed with my postural improvements so, that's a good thing.  Joey we continue to work on trunk control and core.  We are also now at a point where we are working on strengthening with Therabands.  Within a month or two, his wife who is a PT also, is going to be coming in and looking at how my manual chair is set up and from there, we will be focusing on pushing technique because the ultimate goal is getting back to the manual chair while being able to keep my shoulders healthy and  properly strengthened.  This guy's got a game plan and a head that appears to be securely and straightly screwed on.  What more can a girl ask for in a PT?

I'm stilling waiting on news about the standing component for my wheelchair and to be perfectly honest, I'm starting to get pissed off at my OT.  He was supposed to find out about it on June 22nd and forgot.  Then, on July 12th I heard from him about the cushion and asked about this and he told me he forgot, but would call them that day (July 13th) and I've heard nothing from him since.  I know he is busy with the patients he sees daily, but I have not been discharged from his care and he told me he would help me f I needed something and I feel like he's not. Maybe I'm being unreasonable, it just feels like unless you're seeing someone weekly, they forget about you and your needs.

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

J