Emotionally. Physically. I am breaking.
My shoulder has started hurting day in and out again. I don't know what set it off, but, I do know that I was supposed to go waterskiing Monday and couldn't because my shoulder hurt. That made me sad. Really sad. This is the first time in a long time my shoulder has put the kibosh on something I really wanted to do. I went for lunch with a friend and was probably not all that fun to be around.
Monday was an ok day at work. Tuesday was whatever. Wednesday and Thursday were bad. Anxiety attacks. Pure frustration. I don't know exactly why. I do know that I have been in a slump. That is sales. It sucks but, it's true. The bossman and I had a chat yesterday and he assured me it happens it to everyone. He also thinks it might do me some good to take a few days off and gave me a few options for doing that, so that is something I need to consider. I love my job. I really do, but, I think sometimes I forget that I can only do so much. I can not control other people (cause my life would be SO much easier and less stressful :) I need a break. I have next Thursday off as of now because it's my birthday, so that'll be cool and my birthday party is Friday which I'm excited about.
I'm hopeful that after a good night's sleep and some time off and some things to look forward to, things will get better cause I'm hanging on by a thread at the moment.
Please say a prayer that the constant headaches and shoulder pain subside and that anxiety gets better and that work gets less stressful and more productive.
As always,
Thanks for reading.
J
"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."
Friday, August 24, 2012
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Not a Good End to the Week.
I went waterskiing last Monday and had a ball! This time I only wiped out twice and only needed to be held onto while we were doing the turns. I ended up actually being able to ski back to the dock and throw the rope, and get out of the wake. I am trying to arrange to go next week when I have some time off. I am also looking for a nice pink lifejacket. Anyone have any tips?
On Wednesday I woke up in the middle of the night with a sore throat, Wednesday night, my boss told me I looked totally wiped, so I went home and got some sleep. Thursday, I walked in and the first thing he said after I said hi was don't take this the wrong way, but, you sound like crap. Why are you here? I am seriously committed to my job, is the reason, maybe. Thursday night I told him if I still feel this bad, he cut me off before I could even finish sand said. Stay home. I'm ordering you to :). I didn't stay home because I went to an appointment yesterday morning to have my backrest installed and did fine. Big mistake. I felt like crap shortly after I got there so when dad got off work, I would have him come pick me up. My eye had been kind of funny all week, sore underneath my actual eye (the boney part) but, I assumed it was sinus issues. Then yesterday it became really, really itchy and my supervisor told me it looked really red and it hurt to blink. My boss thought it was pink eye so I freaked out and told dad I was going to the medi-clinic. I arranged for the bus to come pick me up (after being on hold for about 18 minutes). No pink eye as far as they can tell, just a sty. It is super itchy, but, if you scratch it, it hurts and you don't want it to pop because if you get bacteria in your eye, it's going to get infected. Doctor said to do hot compresses and if it doesn't get better in a week or so, to come back. As far as the cold goes, no antibiotics as of now, but if it hangs on or gets worse, back I go. I felt really bad about leaving work, but, of course, it was fine and I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to things like that. I texted my boss twice to make sure no one was mad. No it's fine. Are you SURE? Yes, no big deal. Even before I left: Is this an issue? Did I say anything about it being an issue? No.... Yeah it's a HUGE issue and I think you should be worried about your job (insert sarcastic tone here.) Well that's not funny. No, it's not a problem. Go to the doctor. Do you see a pattern here? :)
I got a new backrest yesterday. A Varilite Icon and I love it ($700 later...) My DME also showed me a cool demo chair that he had there; a Panthera. It is the lights chair on the market I believe and it was made by a Formula One race car driver who was injured and became a quadriplegic. He made the chair out of different materials from his racing days which I thought was awesome. DME thinks when I need a new chair, it'll be a good option for me as far as my shoulder goes, although, adaptability of this chair is not as nearly as wide as something like a TiLite. The reason for that is keeping it light and also, the prototype for the chair was two million dollars, so a prototype for when people need something adapted would be more of an expense as compared to a profit.
My seatbelt has needed to be looked at for a while (it came off again) and so, he showed me something that Body Point just came out with (I was the first one to try it, he had just taken it out of the package.). It is a seatbelt that is mounted the seat rails of my chair and it is rigid (has no give) so when you take it off, it goes out to the either side and stays like that (doesn't fall in between the wheels and side guards) He told me if I want to buy it, I can and he'll get another demo. It is padded so, that's a bonus. It is $140 which isn't all that bad for a brand new product that is a medical expense.
Ok, I'm done. Time for some cold meds and tea :)
"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."
J
On Wednesday I woke up in the middle of the night with a sore throat, Wednesday night, my boss told me I looked totally wiped, so I went home and got some sleep. Thursday, I walked in and the first thing he said after I said hi was don't take this the wrong way, but, you sound like crap. Why are you here? I am seriously committed to my job, is the reason, maybe. Thursday night I told him if I still feel this bad, he cut me off before I could even finish sand said. Stay home. I'm ordering you to :). I didn't stay home because I went to an appointment yesterday morning to have my backrest installed and did fine. Big mistake. I felt like crap shortly after I got there so when dad got off work, I would have him come pick me up. My eye had been kind of funny all week, sore underneath my actual eye (the boney part) but, I assumed it was sinus issues. Then yesterday it became really, really itchy and my supervisor told me it looked really red and it hurt to blink. My boss thought it was pink eye so I freaked out and told dad I was going to the medi-clinic. I arranged for the bus to come pick me up (after being on hold for about 18 minutes). No pink eye as far as they can tell, just a sty. It is super itchy, but, if you scratch it, it hurts and you don't want it to pop because if you get bacteria in your eye, it's going to get infected. Doctor said to do hot compresses and if it doesn't get better in a week or so, to come back. As far as the cold goes, no antibiotics as of now, but if it hangs on or gets worse, back I go. I felt really bad about leaving work, but, of course, it was fine and I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to things like that. I texted my boss twice to make sure no one was mad. No it's fine. Are you SURE? Yes, no big deal. Even before I left: Is this an issue? Did I say anything about it being an issue? No.... Yeah it's a HUGE issue and I think you should be worried about your job (insert sarcastic tone here.) Well that's not funny. No, it's not a problem. Go to the doctor. Do you see a pattern here? :)
I got a new backrest yesterday. A Varilite Icon and I love it ($700 later...) My DME also showed me a cool demo chair that he had there; a Panthera. It is the lights chair on the market I believe and it was made by a Formula One race car driver who was injured and became a quadriplegic. He made the chair out of different materials from his racing days which I thought was awesome. DME thinks when I need a new chair, it'll be a good option for me as far as my shoulder goes, although, adaptability of this chair is not as nearly as wide as something like a TiLite. The reason for that is keeping it light and also, the prototype for the chair was two million dollars, so a prototype for when people need something adapted would be more of an expense as compared to a profit.
My seatbelt has needed to be looked at for a while (it came off again) and so, he showed me something that Body Point just came out with (I was the first one to try it, he had just taken it out of the package.). It is a seatbelt that is mounted the seat rails of my chair and it is rigid (has no give) so when you take it off, it goes out to the either side and stays like that (doesn't fall in between the wheels and side guards) He told me if I want to buy it, I can and he'll get another demo. It is padded so, that's a bonus. It is $140 which isn't all that bad for a brand new product that is a medical expense.
Ok, I'm done. Time for some cold meds and tea :)
"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."
J
Monday, July 16, 2012
Blah
Waterskiing was a no go... it rained.
The real reason I am blogging tonight is to ask for prayers for Ryan Clausing and family.Their legal battle has taken a turn. Their lawyer is now advising they take the $25,000 insurance money that they were promised right after the accident and not fight it any further as the case against the mom of the girl who hit him (she was under 18 at the time of the accident?) has now also been dropped. $25,000 is nothing in the lifetime of someone who has special needs. Please pray for them as their battle continues on.
"He's not jaded or bitter. He's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."
J
The real reason I am blogging tonight is to ask for prayers for Ryan Clausing and family.Their legal battle has taken a turn. Their lawyer is now advising they take the $25,000 insurance money that they were promised right after the accident and not fight it any further as the case against the mom of the girl who hit him (she was under 18 at the time of the accident?) has now also been dropped. $25,000 is nothing in the lifetime of someone who has special needs. Please pray for them as their battle continues on.
"He's not jaded or bitter. He's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."
J
Friday, July 13, 2012
I'm Hooked!
Hey all!
So I have lots of good news...
I have discovered I LOVE waterskiing; I went on Friday and had a ball. I wiped out the very first go around and managed to come right out of my ski (I freaked out a bit) so, back to the dock we went. The next time I managed to stay in my ski so, all they had to do was get the rope and put me right side up and we were off. I was even able to ski by myself for a little while, and then I wiped out and we called it a day. The plan is to get back out on the water on Monday, except with sunscreen this time cause I got a wicked burn. I think this is going to be really good for my shoulders, too. They were sore the next day, but a different part of them. One of the things we know is that my shoulders obviously do more "pushing" than "pulling" so, this may be the "pull" my shoulder needs :).
The other good news is that my old boss is back which means... WALKING! We've walked once already and I was pretty shaky because I haven't walked since he left which, by the time we started walking again, had been just over 2 months. I got there once and I'll get there again.
"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."
J
So I have lots of good news...
I have discovered I LOVE waterskiing; I went on Friday and had a ball. I wiped out the very first go around and managed to come right out of my ski (I freaked out a bit) so, back to the dock we went. The next time I managed to stay in my ski so, all they had to do was get the rope and put me right side up and we were off. I was even able to ski by myself for a little while, and then I wiped out and we called it a day. The plan is to get back out on the water on Monday, except with sunscreen this time cause I got a wicked burn. I think this is going to be really good for my shoulders, too. They were sore the next day, but a different part of them. One of the things we know is that my shoulders obviously do more "pushing" than "pulling" so, this may be the "pull" my shoulder needs :).
The other good news is that my old boss is back which means... WALKING! We've walked once already and I was pretty shaky because I haven't walked since he left which, by the time we started walking again, had been just over 2 months. I got there once and I'll get there again.
"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."
J
Monday, July 2, 2012
Back in the Saddle
Tomorrow I'm going back to Hippotherapy. I am PUMPED! You see, ever since PT coming to an end and my boss leaving, there hasn't been much in the way of therapy. Anyhow, I will be going to that every 2 weeks in July and then we'll see what August brings. I'm very excited to be back to stretching, working on balance, and standing. I'm sure there will probably have been some regression, but, we'll get there.
I am also going water-skiing on Friday and I'm not sure whether I'm more excited for riding or that. I'm kind of scared because it's new. It's a big step. I'm not one for change or adventure, but it's time to stop being scared and letting the chair get in the way of the things I want to do and try. Any water-skiers have any advice?
J
"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."
I am also going water-skiing on Friday and I'm not sure whether I'm more excited for riding or that. I'm kind of scared because it's new. It's a big step. I'm not one for change or adventure, but it's time to stop being scared and letting the chair get in the way of the things I want to do and try. Any water-skiers have any advice?
J
"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Better Days.
Things are better in some regard now. I can't sleep, so I'm blogging. I tried the power standing chair (power stand, but a manual chair.) and surprisingly after using it for a few says, my vote is no. I like it and standing at work is awesome (I miss walking like.... a lot and I thought this might help), but it just isn't practical and if I'm paying $17,000 it better be practical. Here's the thing, it weighs 50 pounds and is a major pain to get in/out of so.... it just isn't what I expected. That's ok, though. You can't know until you try.
My shoulder has also been bad lately and I am back to fighting daily pain and headaches/migraines.
Just thought I would update and say that things are better!
Please pray that my shoulder calms down, we can get driving stuff started ASAP, and that I begin to feel less stress and anxiety.
"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."
J
My shoulder has also been bad lately and I am back to fighting daily pain and headaches/migraines.
Just thought I would update and say that things are better!
Please pray that my shoulder calms down, we can get driving stuff started ASAP, and that I begin to feel less stress and anxiety.
"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."
J
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Sometimes....
I want to give up. I want to tell people to stop being so useless, unsupportive, stupid, and downright shitty.
I get tired of excuses and apologies.
This all started yesterday when a friend and I went to watch some fireworks. As soon as we got there one of his friends asked as he was getting my chair out of the car "Is that a stroller?" Stupid question #1. Then she says "That's pretty high-tech." Ok, whatever. Then I get my chair and she starts pushing me without asking if it's ok. Stupid move #1. Then, she says "Oh, I've always wanted to do this." and starts asking my friend questions about me like I'm not even there. I HATE when people do that. I understand that people can be ignorant but, there's a difference between ignorance and stupidity. Then she had invited us back to her house for a bon fire and her mom goes well I didn't know there was a chair involved. Excuse me? I'm sitting in that chair right in front of you. Fully capable of hearing and comprehending every word you say.
I'm sick of friends slowly drifting away. Sick of feeling like an inconvenience to everyone. Sick of fighting with insurance. Sick of being stressed and anxious all the time. Sick of things being frustrating and tiring. Sick of the lack of therapy. I feel like I've written this post a time or two and I will write an upbeat and positive one at some point soon because there is ALWAYS good somewhere. I just need to vent.
As a side note, I am going to try some standing chairs on Monday. Please pray that insurance will be willing to fund the chair (the power chair/ power stand is like $40,000!)
Thanks for listening or reading or... whatever you wanna call it :)
J
" He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."
p.s... This is a need to listen :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebEdMGJRHY8&ob=av2e
I get tired of excuses and apologies.
This all started yesterday when a friend and I went to watch some fireworks. As soon as we got there one of his friends asked as he was getting my chair out of the car "Is that a stroller?" Stupid question #1. Then she says "That's pretty high-tech." Ok, whatever. Then I get my chair and she starts pushing me without asking if it's ok. Stupid move #1. Then, she says "Oh, I've always wanted to do this." and starts asking my friend questions about me like I'm not even there. I HATE when people do that. I understand that people can be ignorant but, there's a difference between ignorance and stupidity. Then she had invited us back to her house for a bon fire and her mom goes well I didn't know there was a chair involved. Excuse me? I'm sitting in that chair right in front of you. Fully capable of hearing and comprehending every word you say.
I'm sick of friends slowly drifting away. Sick of feeling like an inconvenience to everyone. Sick of fighting with insurance. Sick of being stressed and anxious all the time. Sick of things being frustrating and tiring. Sick of the lack of therapy. I feel like I've written this post a time or two and I will write an upbeat and positive one at some point soon because there is ALWAYS good somewhere. I just need to vent.
As a side note, I am going to try some standing chairs on Monday. Please pray that insurance will be willing to fund the chair (the power chair/ power stand is like $40,000!)
Thanks for listening or reading or... whatever you wanna call it :)
J
" He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."
p.s... This is a need to listen :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebEdMGJRHY8&ob=av2e
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)