Steps.

I went out of town this weekend to visit my grandparents for the day. To all you non-Canadian readers, it was Thanksgiving this weekend so we decided to get have lunch with them.  They have stairs in their apartment and dad assumed he was going to be the one carting me up and down. Instead, I dared to try something. I walked. Up and back down with no AFOS and virtually no help from dad (until we got to going down and I damn near went face first because my shoes were tied funky.  He may have had to help when we got to the very top where there was no railing or I may have just arm planted it onto the floor, I don't remember).  My grandparents haven't seen me walk in a LONG time, so this was a big deal. My grandma was quite excited and my grandpa who is generally pretty quiet was quite impressed.

I was pretty freaking thrilled.  I've been able to walk up and down stairs for sometime, but always needed a lot of supervision and sometimes a lot of physical support and usually AFOS.

But what was truly different about this time was the confidence I felt.  I looked at the stairs and thought, "I CAN do this. I WILL do this."     I credit the confidence to all the walking that we do at work.  Sometimes, it feels like walking at work gets me nowhere.  Sure, it helps my muscles, but my boss still has to be there, he still has to be ready to react at any given second, so I thought the confidence I felt was confidence in his ability and knowing he was ready to stop falls, provide assistance, and just generally his ability to keep walking a safe thing for me.  That was until Saturday. Yes, I most certainly have confidence in him, but, I have some new confidence in my own ability, too.  When we walk, he tells me good job or that I'm walking faster or whatever, but, I don't see it.  That's hard. I know he's right and that I am doing better than when I first started ( at least comfort wise), but, sometimes I feel like people tell me they see improvement just to make me feel better. Proving to myself this weekend, proving that work has paid off was a pretty awesome feeling.

My next big goal is to use my walker without needing to use the gait belt (the thing that is used to hold onto to me in case I start falling or need help). How I'll go about it, I'm not sure. I might see if I can go back to Rehab for a couple of sessions or at least to let my Physical Therapist assess whether she feels this is something I am ready to do.

For now, I am happy with where I'm at.

  "A thousand miles, a leap of faith and that first step and you'll find out just how strong you are.
  Keep on shootin' for the moon, reachin' for the stars, runnin' with the wind, followin' your heart and          flyin'. Laugh until you cry, listen to the rain, love with all ya' got. Never be afraid of dreamin', believe in. You can.  You win, you lose. You fall, you climb. You only fail if you don't try."- " You Can"- Jason Blaine.

J

Really People?

I had a good few days off. Chemistry is going really well. Shoulder is still kind of icky.  Work is a bit better.

I am posting tonight because I read something that made me very angry.  On the right hand side of my blog is a link to Caleb's blog.  Caleb is a sweet, independent, happy, vibrant, little boy who just happens to have Spina Bifida.  His mom started a blog to share their journey; to help families going through the same thing.  His mom posted a picture of his Halloween costume on the blog and when she Googled wheelchair Halloween costumes, she found this picture with a crude joke plastered all over the Internet.  I don't know what it was and frankly, I don't want to know.  When she asked to have it taken down, most sites took care of it, no questions asked.  Others were downright rude.  I fail to see what is wrong with people.  I will never understand it.  We all blog to vent, to share our journey, to celebrate progress, and to find sources of support.  If you don't like what I write, fine. You don't have to.  But, until you have walked my journey, until you know what it feels like, don't joke and don't judge.  This is what forces so many people to never start a blog or to stop using their blog.  So much wasted knowledge and support. For what? A stupid joke.


 Please make sure to remind people that you read their blog and that they are valuable.

To Caleb's Mama ( and all the other bloggers out there), I appreciate you.  I share in your joy, I feel your pain, and I know that we all have unique journeys, but, because of people like you who are willing to share your happiest and worst moments I know that I am not alone, that miracles and progress (little and big) are possible, and that there are things so very worth fighting for.

I will stand up and fight.  I have an army of people to join me.


Thank you for sharing in this journey.

"He's no jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."

J