Steps.

I went out of town this weekend to visit my grandparents for the day. To all you non-Canadian readers, it was Thanksgiving this weekend so we decided to get have lunch with them.  They have stairs in their apartment and dad assumed he was going to be the one carting me up and down. Instead, I dared to try something. I walked. Up and back down with no AFOS and virtually no help from dad (until we got to going down and I damn near went face first because my shoes were tied funky.  He may have had to help when we got to the very top where there was no railing or I may have just arm planted it onto the floor, I don't remember).  My grandparents haven't seen me walk in a LONG time, so this was a big deal. My grandma was quite excited and my grandpa who is generally pretty quiet was quite impressed.

I was pretty freaking thrilled.  I've been able to walk up and down stairs for sometime, but always needed a lot of supervision and sometimes a lot of physical support and usually AFOS.

But what was truly different about this time was the confidence I felt.  I looked at the stairs and thought, "I CAN do this. I WILL do this."     I credit the confidence to all the walking that we do at work.  Sometimes, it feels like walking at work gets me nowhere.  Sure, it helps my muscles, but my boss still has to be there, he still has to be ready to react at any given second, so I thought the confidence I felt was confidence in his ability and knowing he was ready to stop falls, provide assistance, and just generally his ability to keep walking a safe thing for me.  That was until Saturday. Yes, I most certainly have confidence in him, but, I have some new confidence in my own ability, too.  When we walk, he tells me good job or that I'm walking faster or whatever, but, I don't see it.  That's hard. I know he's right and that I am doing better than when I first started ( at least comfort wise), but, sometimes I feel like people tell me they see improvement just to make me feel better. Proving to myself this weekend, proving that work has paid off was a pretty awesome feeling.

My next big goal is to use my walker without needing to use the gait belt (the thing that is used to hold onto to me in case I start falling or need help). How I'll go about it, I'm not sure. I might see if I can go back to Rehab for a couple of sessions or at least to let my Physical Therapist assess whether she feels this is something I am ready to do.

For now, I am happy with where I'm at.

  "A thousand miles, a leap of faith and that first step and you'll find out just how strong you are.
  Keep on shootin' for the moon, reachin' for the stars, runnin' with the wind, followin' your heart and          flyin'. Laugh until you cry, listen to the rain, love with all ya' got. Never be afraid of dreamin', believe in. You can.  You win, you lose. You fall, you climb. You only fail if you don't try."- " You Can"- Jason Blaine.

J

Really People?

I had a good few days off. Chemistry is going really well. Shoulder is still kind of icky.  Work is a bit better.

I am posting tonight because I read something that made me very angry.  On the right hand side of my blog is a link to Caleb's blog.  Caleb is a sweet, independent, happy, vibrant, little boy who just happens to have Spina Bifida.  His mom started a blog to share their journey; to help families going through the same thing.  His mom posted a picture of his Halloween costume on the blog and when she Googled wheelchair Halloween costumes, she found this picture with a crude joke plastered all over the Internet.  I don't know what it was and frankly, I don't want to know.  When she asked to have it taken down, most sites took care of it, no questions asked.  Others were downright rude.  I fail to see what is wrong with people.  I will never understand it.  We all blog to vent, to share our journey, to celebrate progress, and to find sources of support.  If you don't like what I write, fine. You don't have to.  But, until you have walked my journey, until you know what it feels like, don't joke and don't judge.  This is what forces so many people to never start a blog or to stop using their blog.  So much wasted knowledge and support. For what? A stupid joke.


 Please make sure to remind people that you read their blog and that they are valuable.

To Caleb's Mama ( and all the other bloggers out there), I appreciate you.  I share in your joy, I feel your pain, and I know that we all have unique journeys, but, because of people like you who are willing to share your happiest and worst moments I know that I am not alone, that miracles and progress (little and big) are possible, and that there are things so very worth fighting for.

I will stand up and fight.  I have an army of people to join me.


Thank you for sharing in this journey.

"He's no jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."

J

Vacay!

I took some time off work.  Originally, I was supposed to have Monday-Friday off.  Another co-worker has Friday off so I'd said I'd come back Friday to help them out.  Then I dropped Physics, so, I decided I'd go back Wednesday.  I'm actually looking forward to going back. I'm bored. I think a few days off is probably what I needed, though.

Yeah, Physics became a point of WAY to much stress.  I decided to drop it and try it again later on.  I was doing pretty well in the beginning but, then, got behind so I started rushing through assignments and quizzes and ended up doing very poorly to the point that I felt there was no point in completing the course because I KNOW I can do well, I just need a fresh start and to keep on top of it.  I have enrolled in an online Chemistry class that has an official start date of tomorrow.  After that course is over, I will try Physics again.

My shoulders are giving me a run for my money right now as well.  Pain and tingling.  Blah.

Anyways, when some exciting stuff happens I'll be sure to update.

"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."

J

And Then...

My birthday was pretty freaking awesome! I celebrated from Thursday-Monday with family and friends.  Dinners. Movie. Shopping. All fun stuff!

Waterski season is over, unfortunately, but I am counting down the days until June 1st when I can get out the water again.  The person I was side skiing with has offered to do it again next season. We are just trying to line up a release person (the person who releases the rope from my ski if I wipe out) and I'm thinking dad will be able to do that. I'm thinking I may use a week of holidays and spend some evenings out on the water.  Such an amazing feeling being out there. 

Speaking of holidays, school has started up again so I have taken a week off to get work done and close the books on this Physics class. 

I also ended up back at the medi-clinic again. I had been having some side pain that turned into back pain and suspected a UTI. Yup. 7 days of Macrobid twice a day.  

So needless to say, things are busy as ever.

Thanks for reading!

J

"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."

Exhausted

Emotionally. Physically. I am breaking.

My shoulder has started hurting day in and out again.  I don't know what set it off, but, I do know that I was supposed to go waterskiing Monday and couldn't because my shoulder hurt.  That made me sad. Really sad.  This is the first time in a long time my shoulder has put the kibosh on something I really wanted to do.  I went for lunch with a friend and was probably not all that fun to be around.

Monday was an ok day at work.  Tuesday was whatever. Wednesday and Thursday were bad.  Anxiety attacks. Pure frustration. I don't know exactly why.  I do know that I have been in a slump.  That is sales.  It sucks but, it's true.  The bossman and I had a chat yesterday and he assured me it happens it to everyone.  He also thinks it might do me some good to take a few days off and gave me a few options for doing that, so that is something I need to consider.  I love my job.  I really do, but, I think sometimes I forget that I can only do so much.  I can not control other people (cause my life would be SO much easier and less stressful :) I need a break.  I have next Thursday off as of now because it's my birthday, so that'll be cool and my birthday party is Friday which I'm excited about.

I'm hopeful that after a good night's sleep and some time off and some things to look forward to, things will get better cause I'm hanging on by a thread at the moment.

Please say a prayer that the constant headaches and shoulder pain subside and that anxiety gets better and that work gets less stressful and more productive.

As always,

Thanks for reading.

J

"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."

Not a Good End to the Week.

I went waterskiing last Monday and had a ball! This time I only wiped out twice and only needed to be held onto while we were doing the turns.  I ended up actually being able to ski back to the dock and throw the rope, and get out of the wake.  I am trying to arrange to go next week when I have some time off.  I am also looking for a nice pink lifejacket.  Anyone have any tips?

On Wednesday I woke up in the middle of the night with a sore throat, Wednesday night, my boss told me I looked totally wiped, so I went home and got some sleep. Thursday, I  walked in and the first thing he said after I said hi was don't take this the wrong way, but, you sound like crap. Why are you here? I am seriously committed to my job, is the reason, maybe.  Thursday night I told him if I still feel this bad, he cut me off before I could even finish sand said. Stay home. I'm ordering you to :).  I didn't stay home because I went to an appointment yesterday morning to have my backrest installed and did fine.  Big mistake. I felt like crap shortly after I got there so when dad got off work, I would have him come pick me up.  My eye had been kind of funny all week, sore underneath my actual eye (the boney part) but, I assumed it was sinus issues.  Then yesterday it became really, really itchy and my supervisor told me it looked really red and it hurt to blink. My boss thought it was pink eye so I freaked out and told dad I was going to the medi-clinic.  I arranged for the bus to come pick me up (after being on hold for about 18 minutes).  No pink eye as far as they can tell, just a sty.  It is super itchy, but, if you scratch it, it hurts and you don't want it to pop because if you get bacteria in your eye, it's going to get infected. Doctor said to do hot compresses and if it doesn't get better in a week or so, to come back.  As far as the cold goes, no antibiotics as of now, but if it hangs on or gets worse, back I go. I felt really bad about leaving work, but, of course, it was fine and I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to things like that.  I texted my boss twice to make sure no one was mad. No it's fine. Are you SURE? Yes, no big deal.  Even before I left: Is this an issue? Did I say anything about it being an issue? No.... Yeah it's a HUGE issue and I think you should be worried about your job (insert sarcastic tone here.) Well that's not funny.  No, it's not a problem. Go to the doctor. Do you see a pattern here? :)


I got a new backrest yesterday.  A Varilite Icon and I love it ($700 later...) My DME also showed me a cool demo chair that he had there; a Panthera. It is the lights chair on the market I believe and it was made by a Formula One race car driver who was injured and became a quadriplegic.  He made the chair out of different materials from his racing days which I thought was awesome.  DME thinks when I need a new chair, it'll be a good option for me as far as my shoulder goes, although, adaptability of this chair is not as nearly as wide as something like a TiLite. The reason for that is keeping it light and also, the prototype for the chair was two million dollars, so a prototype for when people need something adapted would be more of an expense as compared to a profit.


My seatbelt has needed to be looked at for a while (it came off again) and so, he showed me something that Body Point just came out with (I was the first one to try it, he had just taken it out of the package.). It is a seatbelt that is mounted the seat rails of my chair and it is rigid (has no give) so when you take it off, it goes out to the either side and stays like that (doesn't fall in between the wheels and side guards)  He told me if I want to buy it, I can and he'll get another demo.  It is padded so, that's a bonus.  It is $140 which isn't all that bad for a brand new product that is a medical expense.

Ok, I'm done. Time for some cold meds and tea :)

"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."

J

Blah

Waterskiing was a no go... it rained.

The real reason I am blogging tonight is to ask for prayers for Ryan Clausing and family.Their legal battle has taken a turn.  Their lawyer is now advising they take the $25,000 insurance money that they were promised right after the accident and not fight it any further as the case against the mom of the girl who hit him (she was under 18 at the time of the accident?) has now also been dropped.  $25,000 is nothing in the lifetime of someone who has special needs.    Please pray for them as their battle continues on.

"He's not jaded or bitter. He's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."

J

I'm Hooked!

Hey all!

So I have lots of good news...

I have discovered I LOVE waterskiing; I went on Friday and had a ball.  I wiped out the very first go around and managed to come right out of my ski (I freaked out a bit) so, back to the dock we went.  The next time I managed to stay in my ski so, all they had to do was get the rope and put me right side up and we were off.  I was even able to ski by myself for a little while, and then I wiped out and we called it a day.  The plan is to get back out on the water on Monday, except with sunscreen this time cause I got a wicked burn.  I think this is going to be really good for my shoulders, too.  They were sore the next day, but a different part of them.  One of the things we know is that my shoulders obviously do more "pushing" than "pulling" so, this may be the "pull" my shoulder needs :).

The other good news is that my old boss is back which means... WALKING!  We've walked once already and I was pretty shaky because I haven't walked since he left which, by the time we started walking again, had been just over 2 months. I got there once and I'll get there again.

"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."

J

Back in the Saddle

Tomorrow I'm going back to Hippotherapy. I am PUMPED!  You see, ever since PT coming to an end and my boss leaving, there hasn't been much in the way of therapy. Anyhow, I will be going to that every 2 weeks in July and then we'll see what August brings.  I'm very excited to be back to stretching, working on balance, and standing.  I'm sure there will probably have been some regression, but,  we'll get there.

I am also going water-skiing on Friday and I'm not sure whether I'm more excited for riding or that.  I'm kind of scared because it's new.  It's a big step.  I'm not one for change or adventure, but it's time to stop being scared and letting the chair get in the way of the things I want to do and try.  Any water-skiers have any advice?

J

"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."

Better Days.

Things are better in some regard now.  I can't sleep, so I'm blogging.  I tried the power standing chair (power stand, but a manual chair.) and surprisingly after using it for a few says, my vote is no.  I like it and standing at work is awesome (I miss walking like.... a lot and I thought this might help), but it just isn't practical and if I'm paying $17,000 it better be practical.  Here's the thing, it weighs 50 pounds and is a major pain to get in/out of so.... it just isn't what I expected.  That's ok, though. You can't know until you try.


My shoulder has also been bad lately and I am back to fighting daily pain and headaches/migraines.

Just thought I would update and say that things are better!

Please pray that my shoulder calms down, we can get driving stuff started ASAP, and that I begin to feel less stress and anxiety.

"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."

J

Sometimes....

I want to give up.  I want to tell people to stop being so useless, unsupportive, stupid, and downright shitty.

I get tired of excuses and apologies.

This all started yesterday when a friend and I went to watch some fireworks.  As soon as we got there one of his friends asked as he was getting my chair out of the car "Is that a stroller?" Stupid question #1.  Then she says "That's pretty high-tech." Ok, whatever.  Then I get my chair and she starts pushing me without asking if it's ok.  Stupid move #1.  Then, she says "Oh, I've always wanted to do this." and starts asking my friend questions about me like I'm not even there.   I HATE when people do that.  I understand that people can be ignorant but, there's a difference between ignorance and stupidity.  Then she had invited us back to her house for a bon fire and her mom goes well I didn't know there was a chair involved. Excuse me? I'm sitting in that chair right in front of you.  Fully capable of hearing and comprehending every word you say.


I'm sick of friends slowly drifting away.  Sick of feeling like an inconvenience to everyone.  Sick of fighting with insurance. Sick of being stressed and anxious all the time.  Sick of things being frustrating and tiring.  Sick of the lack of therapy.  I feel like I've written this post a time or two and I will write an upbeat and positive one at some point soon because there is ALWAYS good somewhere.  I just need to vent.

As a side note, I am going to try some standing chairs on Monday.  Please pray that insurance will be willing to fund the chair (the power chair/ power stand is like $40,000!)


Thanks for listening or reading or... whatever you wanna call it :)


J

" He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."

p.s... This is a need to listen :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebEdMGJRHY8&ob=av2e

Loss of Words

I have been a little neglectful of this blog and I apologize.   My job is controlling most of what I do right now.   My current boss is quitting and we are extremely shorted-staffed at the moment so.... I'm stressed.  What this also means is there will be no more walking at work (at least for now).  Yeah, it kind of sucks, but, I can't expect him to stick around forever just so I can walk now, can I :)?

I have started to have ongoing pain issues again (stress, I'm thinking) and also ended up leaving work to go to the doctor last Monday because I had a horrible sinus infection, so needless to say things are FAR from dull at the moment.  Just wanted to let you guys know that I am in fact still alive and hanging in there.

"He's not jade or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."

J

And The Verdict Is....

I will be able to drive. This is HUGE! I am SO excited and shocked.   I actually drove today which was scary but I must have done ok. There really is going to be a point where I don't have to rely on the bus or other people to go to work, or appointments, or just have the ability to go get a coffee without having to walk if I want to.  It will be a slow process, but I'd rather it be slow than not happen at all. I honestly thought it was never going to happen after the way everything went with the testing my OT did last year.  He was one of the first people I called and he said to me, I think you can do anything you want to which was awesome. It just such a huge thing.  Thank you for your prayers and please pray that I will do better and better as each lesson passes and that funding for hand controls will go through.

I also got word today that I may very well be able to get a standing chair covered through my work insurance so please pray that that works out as well. Please also pray work continues to go well and that anxiety/stress gets better.

Lastly please pray hard for Caleb as he goes for cord detethering surgery tomorrow.  Pray for peace for him and his parents. Pray that God will guide the hands and minds of his doctors.  Pray that he will avoid any complications.  Pray that they can avoid/limit their time in the PICU.  Pray for understanding and some sense of normalcy for his brother, Benjamin.

"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters"

J

Rewind.

I go for a bunch of tests to see if I get to drive on Monday. I'm scared. So scared.  I went back and visited the post about the testing my OT over a year ago.  I relived the moments spent trying to conceal tears, the look on his face, how bad it hurt, and what I have figured out sitting here thinking about it; I felt let down.  I still remember the very first time I met my OT and he asked me what my goals were. "Driving.", I said.  I remember how positive he was, the smile that said it would work out, he would make it work.  As time went on and he got to know me and my struggles, the hope diminished that he would be able to make it work.

Who knows what they'll say? I am preparing for the worst and praying for the best. I guess the reality of it is that to me, this could be the first thing my CP truly takes away from me.  Almost everything my friends can do, I can do; maybe not in the same way, but I can still do them.  If there is one thing I have always wanted (as I got older and was able  to understand prospective challenges I could face), it was to be able to drive.  I have warned my boss that I may need to take the day off depending on how the testing goes and how long it takes.  He is fine with that and I really don't think it would be to anyone's benefit to have me at work if I get the news that I am dreading so very much.


So I guess the point of this post was to voice the inner worry that is weighing so heavily on me, but also to ask you to pray with me for good news about driving to come from these tests.  Please pray hard that my perceptual issues combined with my processing and other visual issues will not be enough for them to say no. Please pray that this is just another answered prayer and another miracle for me to be thankful for.

J

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. 
-Philippians 4:13 

And looking at them Jesus said to them, "With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." 
-Matthew 19:26

Goodbye Rehab

I was discharged from PT this morning (this came as a total shock and I'm not thrilled by any means).  I'm kind of angry to be honest because when my OT discharged me, he gave me time to process, deal, and to say goodbye.  Had my boss not been there I would've fallen apart right then and there.  I don't want to go back to having no therapy, to feeling like I lack a support team, to feeling lost and confused when I need help.   My PT is going off work, but said if I have major issues I can call and they will get ahold of her and my OT is still at work so, if I need him, he's there.

It's just hard. It brings back the feelings I had in June when he discharged me and this ALWAYS happens when therapy comes to an end; I feel like it means progress and independence comes to an end.  That's not true and I know it.  I know I will continue to use my standing frame, I will keep walking at work,  I will keep working on wheelchair skills and the goals we set in OT. I will be ok, but right now it doesn't feel that way.  I want to keep going to rehab.  I want to make gains and give it my all.  I want to go back to OT. I want so badly to make all the progress in the world so I can be independent.  I don't want to rely  on people.  I don't want to feel like I didn't give it my all or do enough in therapy.  I don't know what to do or feel.  I hate this.

3 Times This Week!!

We walked three times this week.  Monday, Thursday, and Friday.  Friday I was literally breathless by the end of walking.  We had to take two sitting breaks instead of one, but that's ok.  We talked yesterday about walking 5X/week and I laughed. At this point, 5 times a week would be pushing our luck.  Just walking those three days resulted in me getting home at about 12:30 last night, sleeping until 8am, and then crashing  at 11am until 5:30 this evening.  5 days a week? My crazy boss may think so.  That's a perfectly fine idea if he'd like me to sleep all day :).

This week I go to get my braces off which is cool.  I've had them for like 5 years and am more than ready for them to not be on anymore.  I also have PT this week and my boss will be coming with me to learn how to properly put my AFOS on.  I can put them on but, it is a slow process and I can't get them on properly, but when I'm walking, I need my AFO to support my foot in the right way.

I also dropped my classes and I am now only taking Physics and it is through a different online school.  I am happy to say it is going very well.  There is an actual calendar that has everything laid out day by day and all the material is in order.  Not only that, but I have 150 days to complete the whole course.

Have a good weekend all!

J

"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."

Whoops.

I keep meaning to come on and write something and it seems I keep getting busy and side tracked.  I did pass Math (with a 64%.....) and have now started to take Physics and Chemistry and have a tutor helping me with that as well.  It's been fun trying to work full time and take those two difficult classes.  It's only until June and then work becomes my one and only concern.  I'll be taking a year off and just working.

 My PT was supposed to come and do a home visit but, mom couldn't be there and whether has not been permitting practicing curbs and ramps, so she'll come once the whether is better.

Walking at work continues to go ok.  I am getting way more comfortable walking with my boss, so that's good.  I have been a little shaky on my feet though, so we're working on it.  We do our best to walk 2X/week minimum to keep consistency

Other than that, not much to update on.  Hope all is well.

"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."

J

Well That Went Well

No seriously, it did.  I walked at work on Friday and it went so well I decided we could do it again Monday and then again yesterday.  And I get to walk tomorrow :)

I seem to be having way less fatigue and pain throughout the day; I generally feel more alert and energized which is awesome.

I also found a power standing chair on Ebay that I am waiting to hear back about.


Please pray that walking continues to go well and I begin to feel less stress and anxiety in general.  Pleas pray I will hear (good) things about the standing chair soon, and that I passed my Math final yesterday.  Short blog post, sorry folks (as you breathe a sigh of relief). :)

J

Bruised Nerve? Seriously?!

And yet again I wait in Ortho for an hour and fifteen minutes after my scheduled appointment.  Yet again I get told there is nothing she can do. Keep moving it so I don't get a frozen shoulder.  It's a bruised nerve.  She walks in the room and says "What did you do this time?"  Fell out of my chair.  "So it was an actual injury this time?" Uh, yes? That's good because if it is a repetitive stress injury, I can't help you. I think we've been through this.  Thank you for your prayers about my shoulder, it is super appreciated.


I am having trouble with my ears.  I'm not going to lie, I got into a horrible habit of listening to music WAY to loud.  I am having trouble hearing and the ringing is obvious, but I think it has a lot to do with the fact that my ears are seriously plugged by wax (they feel full, they hurt, I can hear the wax crackling/ popping) and I also think it has to do with stress/anxiety and grinding my teeth as both those things can cause ringing. I think I may also be having some sinus issues.   Please please pray my ears feel better.  I have stopped wearing earbuds period and if I do listen to music on my iPhone it will be at a reasonable level with headphones that go around my ears, not inside.  Please please pray I can get my ears cleaned and that this will help with my ears feeling better and hearing better.  Please also pray that I can stopped being so stressed an anxious all the time which would also help me to not grind my teeth.  Please pray this all works out; I am feeling pretty anxious, scared, and stupid over the whole thing.






I am allowed to start walking and have a PT session on Friday morning and should be able to start walking at work on Friday afternoon.  I am super excited about that, yet as it looms closer I feel really nervous about it because there will be no PT there; it will be me, my boss, and my supervisor.  There will also be people watching.  It will be an experience for all of us and something that is defiantly going to "force" me to trust my boss and supervisor.  I have issues with trust. If my insurance and mom's insurance do not cover my walker, my dad's insurance will cover 100% of it.  We have already purchased it as we were told we could be reimbursed which is great.


I got new breaks put on my chair.  The one's I had were the Quickie Scissor breaks, but, they have given me issues since the day I got my chair (the one didn't make enough contact with the tire. We would adjust it and then, it would move and stop working properly again) so the fall combined with the fact that I will be starting to walk at work on probably Friday and the chair needs to be entirely still for the safety of myself and whoever is helping me pushed us to buy new breaks.  I got the push to lock ones as they should last longer and even though I like the ones I had better as far as they way they work (not how well, but how they work) and of course they way they look, I'd rather be safe.


Thanks for caring enough to read.  I have been posting more lately and appreciate that you take the time to read when I post 3 times a week :)


J


"

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don’t and believe that everything happens for a reason."

Rough Day

I thought I would update on my last post.  I have toughed out being at work, but today, I ended up with a migraine/nauseated/dizzy/seeing spots because I was in so much pain, so I am taking the day off tomorrow and resting.  Then, Wednesday morning I will be going to see my Orthopedic Surgeon.

Thanks for prayers about me getting in to see my Orthopedic Surgeon.  Please pray she will help and I will be  able to be back at work by Wednesday with my pain under control. Please also pray I will be able to start walking at work either late this week or early next week.

Thanks,

J

"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."

I Fell.

Literally.  I caught the edge of my cushion (I got another Ride one for Christmas, so it is higher), and fell. I hurt my shoulder. Bad. For the first 3-5 hours after falling, I couldn't feel my hand amd now I have extreme tingling and pain.  I went to the medi-clinic and the doctor told me take Advil and ice it,but the cold aggrivates the pain.  I called my OT and asked if he knew why my Ortho doctor never prescribed anti-inflammatories and he asked what had happened,  I explained and he told me to go to the ER because he was concerned about nerve damage.  Mom was away and dad was out of town so, I wasn't able to go, but, my mom got back and called my Orthos office and was told she was away until Monday and the on-call Ortho doctor is only there for emergencies and apparently, this is not an emergency. I was NOT happy.  I am so frustrated that we finally got things to a point where I was doing really well and now, I don't know what is going to happen.


Please say a prayer that Ortho will be able to see us soon and that this issue will be able to solved quickly and not adversely afffect my walking, wheelchair skills, or job.

"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."

J

Big Step... or Rather Steps

Yesterday went fantastic. Both my boss and supervisor walked twice with me (Yeah, I overdid it just a bit).   and had a chance to see exactly what they need to do.  I am getting better at steering, but I still need guidance.  I used to use a Reverse Kaye Walker, so not only am I adjusting to walking the opposite way of how I've always walked, but I'm also adjusting to walking with a walker that has four wheels instead of two wheels and two rubber stopper/feet things. I still needs cues, too.  They have to watch my feet because I tend to, when I try and sit, have one foot way farther away from my walker than the other. They need to be placed close to the walker and even. My boss had to remind me a few times to slow down or "watch your feet" :) when we were walking (I think part of that was nerves and feeling like I had to walk at a fast pace so we could be finished).  They were also taught what to do if I fall, so I feel like in any situation that might occur, I'll be safe as long as one of them is around.

The next step will be picking out a walker; I emailed my DME to set up an appointment to do that and my PT will write up a requesition for insurance.   When the walker comes I will walk with my PT to make sure everything is good and then, I'll be able to walk at work.  I have, however, made it VERY clear to my boss that only he and my supervisor can help simply because of making sure everything is being done in a proper and safe manner... and he is totally fine with that and has reassured me that he will make certain everybody is aware they can not help. I did have to sign a waiver stating that I won't sue anyone if I get hurt or something like that and for that reason, it's even more important that people don't try to help because since they don't know how to help, I could get hurt far easier than if my boss or supervisor were helping.

Last night while we were waiting for the bus, my boss asked if I thought that I might get to the point where I could ditch the chair period. I stopped for a minute and thought about how I should respond.  I couldn't look at him and I mumbled the answer; " I don't know." It was right then, as I tried to figure out how to answer him, that I realized I can't imagine my life without the chair. It's not that I don't want to.  It's not that I don't have hope that the idea that he had will one day be a reality, but, at the same time, it's scary.  My chair is my comfort zone, my safe spot.  For me to be standing there with them yesterday, my safety in their hands, it was.... hard.  Don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm going to get hurt; they are both very careful and patient.  It's just.... Hard. It is a reminder of what my shoulder took from me.  It is a reminder that my rehab process did not start over, but it kind of took about 50 steps back.  But that's ok.   I have an awesome PT,  and the support of my boss, supervisor, workplace as a whole, and my family.  That means more to me than any amount of perfect road of rehab could have.

"And everything that's anything  starts out as a little thing. Just needs a little time and room to grow. Step by step, day by day, it all adds up along the way."- Brad Paisley.

The little steps will lead to BIG things and I need to remember that the things that are worth it don't come easy.


Please pray that things continue to go well at work and that therapy continues to do great things in my life.

J

I'm Excited... WALKING!

A few weeks ago, I posted about returning to walking. I never thought I'd be as excited as I am about walking as I am now :). I walked 45 meters with the walker at my last PT session before Christmas and that was after two rounds with the parallel bars.   My PT and my OT (he watched) were both really impressed with how well I did.   It was pretty emotional being back on my feet; When I hurt my shoulder almost 3 years ago,  I honestly though that I might never be able to use a walker again, that it was the end of what I'd once worked so hard for.  Today I am thrilled to be able to say that I was wrong.  My legs are getting stronger and we will also be trying s recumbent bike in PT tomorrow to see if that is something that would work to have at home for a leg workout.

I have two PT sessions this week.  On Friday, my boss and supervisor will be accompanying me so that I can start walking at work.  Did I ever mention, I have an amazingly supportive workplace?

Anyways all, I gotta run.  I'm super tired and have to be up early.

"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."

J

This Time Last Year

Sometimes, I need to look back and see how far I've come and what I've accomplished.

- This time last year I was struggling day in, day out with shoulder pain 

- This time last year I was not cutting up my own food

- This time last year I was not tying my shoes

-  This time last year I was struggling through school

- This time last year I was not able to do nearly as much in the kitchen

- This time last year I was not hopping curbs

Reflecting on the last year is emotional. I'm not going to lie, it has been one of the hardest, happiest whirlwind years of life.  I have had therapists come and go (and I still miss them all :)),  I got to a point in my life where I knew everything was going to be ok.  This year will be full of struggles and challenges, I'm sure.  I have my drivers evaluation in about three months, I am still having respiratory issues, my stress and anxiety remain a daily issue and, I am still struggling with not having weekly OT.  I miss it. I miss the real life, practical progress I could see and celebrate.   I may be returning to OT fairly shortly, but, I know it won't be the same and still struggle with the thought of working with a new OT, but, I know that this year will be full of progress and blessing alike.  One of the big goals for this time next year is to be out on my own and to hopefully be on my way to driving on my own.  This time last year, if you'd of asked me if I'd be where I am now, I'd of told you no. Maybe I'll surprise myself and those goals will be fulfilled by 2013 :)

Happy New Year; may it be filled with good health, progress, and blessings for each and every one of you.,

J

"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the Quitters."