Rewind.

I go for a bunch of tests to see if I get to drive on Monday. I'm scared. So scared.  I went back and visited the post about the testing my OT over a year ago.  I relived the moments spent trying to conceal tears, the look on his face, how bad it hurt, and what I have figured out sitting here thinking about it; I felt let down.  I still remember the very first time I met my OT and he asked me what my goals were. "Driving.", I said.  I remember how positive he was, the smile that said it would work out, he would make it work.  As time went on and he got to know me and my struggles, the hope diminished that he would be able to make it work.

Who knows what they'll say? I am preparing for the worst and praying for the best. I guess the reality of it is that to me, this could be the first thing my CP truly takes away from me.  Almost everything my friends can do, I can do; maybe not in the same way, but I can still do them.  If there is one thing I have always wanted (as I got older and was able  to understand prospective challenges I could face), it was to be able to drive.  I have warned my boss that I may need to take the day off depending on how the testing goes and how long it takes.  He is fine with that and I really don't think it would be to anyone's benefit to have me at work if I get the news that I am dreading so very much.


So I guess the point of this post was to voice the inner worry that is weighing so heavily on me, but also to ask you to pray with me for good news about driving to come from these tests.  Please pray hard that my perceptual issues combined with my processing and other visual issues will not be enough for them to say no. Please pray that this is just another answered prayer and another miracle for me to be thankful for.

J

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. 
-Philippians 4:13 

And looking at them Jesus said to them, "With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." 
-Matthew 19:26

Goodbye Rehab

I was discharged from PT this morning (this came as a total shock and I'm not thrilled by any means).  I'm kind of angry to be honest because when my OT discharged me, he gave me time to process, deal, and to say goodbye.  Had my boss not been there I would've fallen apart right then and there.  I don't want to go back to having no therapy, to feeling like I lack a support team, to feeling lost and confused when I need help.   My PT is going off work, but said if I have major issues I can call and they will get ahold of her and my OT is still at work so, if I need him, he's there.

It's just hard. It brings back the feelings I had in June when he discharged me and this ALWAYS happens when therapy comes to an end; I feel like it means progress and independence comes to an end.  That's not true and I know it.  I know I will continue to use my standing frame, I will keep walking at work,  I will keep working on wheelchair skills and the goals we set in OT. I will be ok, but right now it doesn't feel that way.  I want to keep going to rehab.  I want to make gains and give it my all.  I want to go back to OT. I want so badly to make all the progress in the world so I can be independent.  I don't want to rely  on people.  I don't want to feel like I didn't give it my all or do enough in therapy.  I don't know what to do or feel.  I hate this.

3 Times This Week!!

We walked three times this week.  Monday, Thursday, and Friday.  Friday I was literally breathless by the end of walking.  We had to take two sitting breaks instead of one, but that's ok.  We talked yesterday about walking 5X/week and I laughed. At this point, 5 times a week would be pushing our luck.  Just walking those three days resulted in me getting home at about 12:30 last night, sleeping until 8am, and then crashing  at 11am until 5:30 this evening.  5 days a week? My crazy boss may think so.  That's a perfectly fine idea if he'd like me to sleep all day :).

This week I go to get my braces off which is cool.  I've had them for like 5 years and am more than ready for them to not be on anymore.  I also have PT this week and my boss will be coming with me to learn how to properly put my AFOS on.  I can put them on but, it is a slow process and I can't get them on properly, but when I'm walking, I need my AFO to support my foot in the right way.

I also dropped my classes and I am now only taking Physics and it is through a different online school.  I am happy to say it is going very well.  There is an actual calendar that has everything laid out day by day and all the material is in order.  Not only that, but I have 150 days to complete the whole course.

Have a good weekend all!

J

"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."

Whoops.

I keep meaning to come on and write something and it seems I keep getting busy and side tracked.  I did pass Math (with a 64%.....) and have now started to take Physics and Chemistry and have a tutor helping me with that as well.  It's been fun trying to work full time and take those two difficult classes.  It's only until June and then work becomes my one and only concern.  I'll be taking a year off and just working.

 My PT was supposed to come and do a home visit but, mom couldn't be there and whether has not been permitting practicing curbs and ramps, so she'll come once the whether is better.

Walking at work continues to go ok.  I am getting way more comfortable walking with my boss, so that's good.  I have been a little shaky on my feet though, so we're working on it.  We do our best to walk 2X/week minimum to keep consistency

Other than that, not much to update on.  Hope all is well.

"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."

J