The above question is one I have been asked many times. If I could, would I take the opportunity to be able to walk? The not so simple answer is, no, I would not. My disability does not define me, but it has shaped me. It has made me a more accepting, less judgemental, and more compassionate person (or at least I hope it has). If it were not for my Cerebral Palsy, I would not be the person I am and I know that. Sure, sometimes I feel overloaded by all the stuff that goes along with my CP, but everyone has things that overload them; work, school, kids, marriage. We all have something that overwhelms us but, truth be told, often times the things we fret over really aren't things we should be worried over. Now, obviously if your marriage is falling apart and your significant other says they want a divorce or if your kid falls and break their head open well, yeah, you should probably be stressed. I stress a lot about the unknowns. Driving, moving out on my own, finding a job and all the other stuff and so, as a coping mechanism, I ask myself "is this really worth my time and energy right now?" 99% of the time the answer is no. I shake my head at myself and get on with my day. Anyways, my CP has taught me that I need to deal with the challenge I am currently facing rather than the ones that I may face in the future. The challenges I face, they're good. If everything came easy I would be a lot less grateful and excited when little things happen. For example, my OT has told mom to do more work with me in the kitchen for daily living/fine motor skills and the last few days have been quite successful. Yesterday with very little help, I made macaroni (yes, it was from a bag, I'm not THAT good yet :) and dished myself up and after cut up some garlic sausage. Today I cut up more sausage and cut up the cucumbers for the salad (tomatoes are still a bit difficult and need some work). Now, to the average person, this would be no big deal but, because of my challenges with fine motor skills, this was huge and I am SO excited to be able to say I did it! There are some obstacles I still face like cutting the tomatoes, being able to reach the buttons on the stove, and being able to strain things. Mom has assured me that with a little bit of help from OT to find the right adaptive equipment, all those issues can be addressed. Then the dreaded thought came into my mind and I asked mom if she thought I would always have to use certain adaptive equipment and she said yes and that there was nothing wrong with that. I told her that needing to use adaptive equipment sometimes makes me feel less capable and just as I finished saying that, I realized how flawed my thinking was. Mom beat to it and told me that I have to take the attitude that if I didn't use the adaptive equipment I wouldn't be able to do it all so I may as well take advantage of the things that are out there to help me. I also asked her yesterday (and please do not leave nasty comments, I am simply being honest) if it was wrong of me to be jealous of people with CP who could walk and she told me yes because she thinks it is a trade off and that there are probably things that the people who can walk can't do that I can. True.
To anyone out there facing a challenge of any kind, don't compare yourself to other people because even though on the outside their life make look easier, you do not know their story just as they do not know yours. You can do anything, you just have to want to do it. The only limits you have are the ones you place upon yourself.
Ok, it's 4am, I'll quit preaching now.
"He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters."
p.s.
Ryan Clausings story is being covered by FOX News!!! Thank you to anyone who commented, shared, or prayed and a special thanks to Joan, the writer of yesterdays article.
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