It's a Love Hate Thing

I posted this list in a forum and thought I would share.


I hate that I am sitting here typing a whole list of things I hate
I hate that my house is not wheelchair accessible so I have to crawl around
I hate that doctors cut nerves in my back to reduce tone and now I can't tell when I have to piss until I REALLY have to go
I hate that insurance will cover next to nothing for me because I was born this way
I hate that people assume that I have it easier than someone who lost there ability to walk later in life. Different, yes. Easier, no.
I hate that I don't get as much therapy as I feel I need/could benefit from
I hate that I still need my wheelie bars
I hate that so many doctors, therapists, and other professionals have let me down
I hate that my family and I have to fight for everything I need
I hate that my shoulder hurts all the time
I hate that my school will not accomadate my scooter so I can give my shoulder a break
I hate that my school will not accomadate my standing frame for pain mangement because it can be used at home
I hate that everything I need costs so fu%$cking much
I hate that my OT has to go have a meeting with my Resource teacher to explain to her why my stander needs to be at school
I hate that I could have moved to a school where the stander could have been if the Resource teacher had not lied and said the school was doing everything they could to accomadate me
I hate that this list makes me cry
I hate that there is a kid with a brain injury in my school who likes to throw it in my face that I will never walk and he will among other things and that people say that it's ok that he does that because he has a brain injury. (not dissing people with brain injuries)
I hate that this shit is what I have to worry about at 17 years old

I love that I was blessed enough to have a family member provide me with the money to buy a standing frame and awesome pink TiLite ZRA
I love that I get that one hour of OT per week
I love that I finally have a therapist who cares about the job he does
I love that he has never once told me I am not going to do something and been nothing but encouraging which is a lot more than I can say for a lot of therapists and doctors previous
I love that I function at the level I do
I love that I will be fully independent eventually
I love that this chair has made me who I am
I love that I am more compassionate and less judgemental because of the chair
I love that this chair has made me want to be an OT or ST or Social Worker so I can help people. There's no one better than someone who has been through it
I love that I have the faith to believe that I am the way I am for a reason and that my being in the chair has a purpose It sounds corny but it's what gets me through the day sometimes

Gotta roll.  Have perceptual testing in OT tomorrow and it isn't gonna go very well if I don't get some shut eye.

As always,


He's not jaded or bitter, he's gonna leave the givin' up for the quitters


J